A Thorny Gift

I often find myself complaining in my heart about the smallest of things: I ate breakfast a little later than usual because my caregiver was less experienced. An app I use was updated and I have to relearn how to use it. I didn’t sleep well in the night and nobody was able to help with my afternoon espresso shot.

 Poor Lane.

As I was whining to myself the other day, I was reminded of how seriously God takes His loving provision.

A mere three days after God freed the nation of Israel from Egyptian slavery, they were complaining about thirst. God provided water for them all. Next, they complained about hunger. God made bread literally rain from the sky. They complained about the lack of variety in their diet. God gave them more meat than they could possibly eat. When they finally made it to the land God promised to give them as a home, they complained about the inhabitants being too big for them to conquer. Each of their complaints contained some variation of the refrain, “We were better off as slaves in Egypt.”

After their last complaint, God made it quite clear that their real beef was with Him, not with their circumstances. Numbers 14:26-27 records the following exchange: 

The Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron, saying, “How long shall I bear with this evil congregation who are grumbling against Me? I have heard the complaints of the sons of Israel, which they are making against Me. [emphasis added]

Note how personally God took their complaints. Not because He’s insecure and hypersensitive about how people perceive Him; rather because He was intimately aware of the source of their malcontent. Their grumbling sprung from unbelief, from distrust, and in many ways self-idolatry. Just like we do today, they tried to conform God to their own passing desires, rather than trusting Him to give what’s best when it’s best. But God only gives truly good gifts, and His good nature is reflected in His provision.

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Might my disability also be part of that provision? This question shocked me in the middle of my private whine-fest the other day, and it brought to mind God’s response to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12.

 Here’s the context. After giving Paul a miraculous glimpse of Heaven, God sent him a “thorn in the flesh” to keep him from becoming conceited about what he’d experienced. Paul never specified exactly what this thorn was (beyond calling it “a messenger of Satan to harass me” ), but that hasn’t stopped people from trying to figure it out. A quick Google search for “What was Paul’s thorn?” will bring up articles upon articles presenting any number of educated guesses. Some say it was blindness. Others a speech disorder. There are even people who argue that Paul’s thorn was depression or anxiety. But whether it was physical, mental, spiritual, or otherwise is beside the point. The point is that God sent it (through Satan – how’s that for power?) for Paul’s good. 

Make no mistake, it was a bitter pill to swallow. Verse 8 says “Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.” Paul didn’t want this ”thorn” any more than you or I would want a literal thorn in our own flesh. Paul said he pleaded with the Lord three times to take it away from him. I have begged God far more than three times to take away my own obvious “thorn” by healing me of my injury. I’ve done the same countless times throughout the course of my life in asking Him to remove this or that discomfort or temptation. Yet, God’s response to Paul in verse 9 reflects His greater plan: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

 Over the millennia since Paul penned those words, countless people, including yours truly, have taken this rich passage to mean something like, “God’s grace is sufficient even though you’re facing this or that hardship.” But when God brought this passage to my mind the other day, I was hit with a thought that stunned me. God did not contrast His grace with Paul’s thorn; He essentially equated His grace with it. The thorn in Paul’s flesh, the messenger of Satan to harass him was, paradoxically, a gift of God’s grace. 

But wait, doesn’t God only give good gifts? Why doesn’t He get on board with my pursuit of comfort? What could possibly be “good” about a physical ailment, a mental disorder, a crippling disability? God answered that in the second half of His response to Paul: “for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God delights in giving Himself to us and showing Himself through us.

That often rubs us the wrong way because we can only see as far as our next disappointment. Or our next perceived success. But when we encounter the true and lasting pleasure that is found in the triune God of the universe, all the comfort and ease this world has to offer looks like a dim lightbulb trying to outshine the sun. And often it takes the humbling of our hearts through the gift of a thorn to take away our blinders.

The Thorn
By Martha Snell Nicholson

I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne
And begged him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own.

I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart
I cried, “But Lord this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart.
This is a strange, a hurtful gift, which Thou hast given me.”
He said, “My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to thee.”

I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore,
As long years passed I learned at last to love it more and more.
I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,
He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face.